Maybe…

maybe {may•be} (noun) : a mere possibility or probability

Life is full of maybe’s. And through out my life, I know that I have probably used “maybe” as an answer to more than a dozen questions that come up day to day. But the funny thing is that the word “maybe” makes me unbelievably anxious.

When God decided He had a purpose for my life and began making me, He must have skipped out on the bottle of patience because I have none. You can ask my mom, my best friend, even my English teacher could tell you my patience is at an all time low. So whenever something comes up and people reply with “maybe”, my mind goes wheeling into impossible theories as to why they wouldn’t want to answer whatever I asked with a straight yes or no. Here’s about what my mind looks like-

“Oh, they said maybe…It could happen…Or it could not happen.”

“Well, they said maybe. I’ll have to wait and see.”

Recently, I had some kind of thing with this guy. I’m saying a thing because I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to call whatever happened with this guy. On multiple occasions I would suggest that we hang out (you know-go eat, see a movie…Just normal friend stuff) and his answer would always be a “maybe”. Of course, I wanted more out of this thing than he EVER did and I, being me, was actually trying to get him to ask me on a date. {Side Note: A guy should pursue the girl, not the other way around. If he doesn’t have the guts to ask you out, don’t bother with trying to flirt your way into a relationship. But that’s another story for another time.} That little two syllable word would give me SO much hope for what I was hoping to come out of the thing that was going on. And when we talked about what we were looking for I brought up the subject of us and if we would ever be more than friends and his answer was just the same as always…

Maybe…

I pondered over this “car talk” for days. I just kept telling myself that in a few months this guy would be taking me to prom and we’d be dating and we’d meet each others parents and we’d have a merry-go-lucky time together. I thought that this maybe was going to lead to the greatest year of my life. Well, guess what. It didn’t. That maybe led to absolutely nothing. Because some times maybes aren’t meant to be.

But hey, I know that there’s going to be another maybe out there someday that will end up being a yes. And between you and me, I’m way more excited for that maybe than I ever was for this one.

Another example of a time where I learned about my indifference with the word maybe was when I was fourteen.

I was searching endlessly for my calling from God. And this was in the dead middle of church camp season, so I was getting my Jesus on and basically repeatedly asking God to tell me what He wanted out of my life. Then, one day during this camp season, my youth pastor at the time sat down with me in the tabernacle of the camp grounds and told me that MAYBE why God wasn’t revealing the things I wanted was because I was to blinded by all the distractions in my life.

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH. HOLD UP. Distractions? Like what?

Oh…Yeah…That boy you’ve been obsessing over that is WAY too old for you but you’re going to like him anyways. Oh, and that one thing that you don’t want to tell yourself is a sin but it clearly is…THAT’S what he meant younger Kelly.

This maybe angered me and it upset me. How dare the man of Godly leadership in my life challenge my heart! How dare he notice that I wasn’t making the smartest choices, then come and tell me that what I’m doing wrong is causing my relationship with God to falter! (Can you hear the sarcasm in the older, wiser Kelly’s voice?) This realization made me bitter, and completely give up on the idea that God had a bigger purpose for my life. But thankfully, God didn’t give up on me.

So with all this being said, I believe that maybes are meant to give hope. Maybes are there to encourage. Keeping that in mind,and going back to my youth pastor story, maybes can also be something that can tear people down. Maybes can hurt people and cause stress or anxiety. I certainly get impatient when people tell me maybe and then don’t get back to me as soon as possible. Yes, patience is something I need to work on but, one lesson I’ve learned through the years is that if you pray for patience God is just going to throw you as many things as he can to help you get that answered prayer.

*Cue flashbacks of teaching a kindergarten age Sunday school class*

We also have maybes about what we want to do. Whether it be day to day or really life changing decisions.

With me, the topic has been school/the future. Am I going to major in music? Maybe. Am I going to go to a Christian based college? Maybe. Am I going to get married by 25? Maybe. Or it’s something stupid, like everyday situations. Am I going to eat Mexican for dinner? Maybe. Am I going to get in bed before ten? Maybe. Am I going to wear my hair up today? Maybe.

Every day we make maybe an answer to a question that we won’t know that answer to till later, or an answer to something we WANT to put off until we HAVE to find the answer. In the long run it will be better to give ourselves or others a definite answer.

So the lesson I’ve learned from maybes is to not rely so much on them that I:

A. Get my heart broken and smashed into a million pieces.

B. Miss out on all the wonderful things God has in store.

Or

C. Live a life full of maybes, but never find the yes or no answer.

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”

~Romans 12:12

With Love,

Kelly

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s