He Doesn’t Care: A message to myself.

As much as you thought he did he never even thought about you the way you had done with him. He never curiously wondered between text what would come out of the friendship, what would come from whatever was happening; the only thing he cared about was the attention he was getting, the attention he was seeking from any girl, ANYONE, who would give it.

What are you doing?

Watching a movie.

Oh, I shouldn’t be distracting you.

I’d much rather be talking to you 🙂

Lies. Those words, every last text, they were all lies. Every text, every sideways glance, every single movement, word, or look. They meant so much more to you than they ever would to him. And I don’t think you can truly and fully grasp the idea that it will never happen. He isn’t your knight in shining armor, he isn’t going to be the football player you run to after a Friday night win, and he will never be the person that you look over at when you’re sitting in the passenger seat on a Saturday night.

You told yourself these things. And maybe they were true for a second, maybe he felt the same for a moment, just a moment; but forever doesn’t wait for a minute. Forever keeps going and going and sooner or later you will have to realize that he isn’t in your forever. Why ever remember text messages from five months ago? Why keep texting him things that you know will only get a one word reply? Why cry when you see another girl get into his car?

If we’re being honest, he doesn’t deserve you. And I know, I know that you think you deserve him and all his quirks and all his clever lines. But you don’t. He wasn’t made for you. God didn’t make his purpose to be your high school or college boyfriend. His life is not yours. So stop trying to make it that way. If he can’t see that you’re the best possible thing to happen to him, then why not just move on to someone who will.

He won’t bring you flowers on your opening night as Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors. He won’t call you up one day and express his undying love for you. He won’t walk up to your car and kiss you like you’ve been wanting him to for the past eight months. None of this is going to happen because it was all fabricated into your mind. It was all scenarios that you made up. He isn’t an actor on a movie set, he isn’t something that can just pop into existence.

He is a boy. He is a guy who just so happen to have walked into your life and made you fall head over heels in {literally} a matter of seconds.

So it’s time to stop, for real this time, it’s time for you to pick up your heart and for you to move on. Put your little house in the small town of Lover Town, U.S.A up for sale and get that apartment in Independence City. It’s time that you set aside your childish crush, and hold yourself to a new standard.

Love,

You

 

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