He Doesn’t Care: A message to myself.

As much as you thought he did he never even thought about you the way you had done with him. He never curiously wondered between text what would come out of the friendship, what would come from whatever was happening; the only thing he cared about was the attention he was getting, the attention he was seeking from any girl, ANYONE, who would give it.

What are you doing?

Watching a movie.

Oh, I shouldn’t be distracting you.

I’d much rather be talking to you 🙂

Lies. Those words, every last text, they were all lies. Every text, every sideways glance, every single movement, word, or look. They meant so much more to you than they ever would to him. And I don’t think you can truly and fully grasp the idea that it will never happen. He isn’t your knight in shining armor, he isn’t going to be the football player you run to after a Friday night win, and he will never be the person that you look over at when you’re sitting in the passenger seat on a Saturday night.

You told yourself these things. And maybe they were true for a second, maybe he felt the same for a moment, just a moment; but forever doesn’t wait for a minute. Forever keeps going and going and sooner or later you will have to realize that he isn’t in your forever. Why ever remember text messages from five months ago? Why keep texting him things that you know will only get a one word reply? Why cry when you see another girl get into his car?

If we’re being honest, he doesn’t deserve you. And I know, I know that you think you deserve him and all his quirks and all his clever lines. But you don’t. He wasn’t made for you. God didn’t make his purpose to be your high school or college boyfriend. His life is not yours. So stop trying to make it that way. If he can’t see that you’re the best possible thing to happen to him, then why not just move on to someone who will.

He won’t bring you flowers on your opening night as Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors. He won’t call you up one day and express his undying love for you. He won’t walk up to your car and kiss you like you’ve been wanting him to for the past eight months. None of this is going to happen because it was all fabricated into your mind. It was all scenarios that you made up. He isn’t an actor on a movie set, he isn’t something that can just pop into existence.

He is a boy. He is a guy who just so happen to have walked into your life and made you fall head over heels in {literally} a matter of seconds.

So it’s time to stop, for real this time, it’s time for you to pick up your heart and for you to move on. Put your little house in the small town of Lover Town, U.S.A up for sale and get that apartment in Independence City. It’s time that you set aside your childish crush, and hold yourself to a new standard.

Love,

You

 

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Boys Will be Boys

I’ve heard this phrase since I was a little girl. It seems to have come into almost every conversation I’ve had with my mom since I entered middle school. At first, little naive me didn’t know what Momma Cole was talking about, nor why none of the boys in my grade ever wanted to “ask me out”. {I’m not sure why I believed that I could be “taken out” in middle school but that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.} I’ve been sick the last couple of days, and as I laid in bed surrounded by Gatorade bottle and tissues, I began thinking on this subject.

Boys will be boys has come up in social media a lot over the last couple of years. The young women who speak against this phrase shout their opinions loudly but what I think about this phrase is totally different than what these young women are screaming about. I believe that the phrase “boys will be boys” is a way to explain what just how immature, and ever changing boys feelings are, not MEN but BOYS. There is a difference, and I bet all the twenty-something year old women know what I’m talking about. Men are courageous, men truly know how to treat the women in their lives, and men are servants in God’s kingdom. Boys are arrogant, boys are wishy-washy, and some boys are still trying to find their place in the kingdom.

Earlier this week I went to a funeral with my grandparents and my mother, it was in Bossier City and I wanted to look my best considering I would be seeing people I haven’t seen in months/years(not to mention a boy or two that I had crushed on). I worried about how my hair looked and how my shirt was wrinkly, I wanted to show just how pretty I wanted to be for these people. My grandparents, mom and I walked into the church; my head held high and my shoulders rolled back. As the visitation went on, countless member of our extend family, and people in our church who had made the hour and fifteen minute journey to BC, expressed to my mother and I, how beautiful I was. I would thank them, with a smile and a slight blush, but a thought was itching to escape my lips, so I asked mom once we settled into out seats.

“So, why do so many men say that I’m beautiful, but boys have never even looked at me like that?”

My mom smirked as she answered, “Because boys don’t know what to look for.”

I thought this over. I thought long and hard, even on the way home it raced through my head. So am I pretty or not?

I would like to hope that the answer is yes, but why? Why after never having, but maybe one or two, ever tell me they liked me? The answer to this is very simple.

The God who created me sees me as the most beautiful thing He has ever created. He has clothed me in strength and dignity, He has given me the courage to laugh without fear of the future, He says that I am far more precious than rubies or any jewel, and He loves me…Endlessly. So, why should the thoughts and actions of any boy change that? Why should I feel inferior when I have a God who created me with a purpose for my life in mind?

God is making me into a Proverbs 31 woman for the Job 29 man who will come into my life. And I, without a doubt, know that my man of God is out there waiting for me; my mom has prayed too many prayers for my siblings and I to have Godly spouses, and I have prayed more prayers than I can count on all twenty appendages for him and his walk with God/his walk towards meeting me. But until we meet, until we become whatever God has in plan for us, there will be boys who come in and try to sweep me off my feet; until we find each other, there will be boys who sweet talk their way into my heart, and there my even be men who try and take me away, but God’s plan is always greater.

A boy’s idea of me, and how he “rates” me, will never overpower the fact that God claims me as one of His beautiful daughters, and why would He give one of His daughters away to someone He wouldn’t know is perfect for me, someone He didn’t know, someone who isn’t going to draw me deeper into His grace and His plan? Why waste your time on boys who are really just frogs when God has a prince waiting out there for you on a white stallion, ready to save you from the world of boys?

Boys will be boys, but one day they will be men. They will grow into being courageous, being the man that treats the women in his life with love and respect, and being the servants that God has called him to be in His kingdom.