We’re the Reason

*Warning: Mentions of suicide, depression, self-harm, and bullying are made in this blog post. If you are sensitive to these subject-please-for your own safety, do not read or proceed with great caution.

*If you feel the urge to take your own life, please, I’m begging you to contact the suicide hotline @ 1-800-273-8255

If you live in America, or if you own a Netflix account, you’ve probably either heard or watched 13 Reasons Why. If you haven’t, here’s the run down: A high school teenager commits suicide but instead of writing a note, she leaves 13 tapes. These tapes are the main 13 reasons why she decides to take her own life, and one of them happens to be Clay Jenson who is the second to last top listen to the tapes and who starts to find the justice she deserved. Her name was Hannah Baker, and she is just an example of what happens, not only to teenager girls but also teenage boys, everyday.

High school is a scary place. It’s a place where you lose yourself, find yourself, and learn for yourself truly how cruel and ignorant teenagers and even teachers can be. During my high school experience, I’ve witnessed and heard of all of these things…I’ve heard the comments that the boys make about the girls, even what some teachers say, I’ve seen students crying on their way to class because their grades aren’t where they want them to me, I’ve witnessed friend groups split because suddenly one of the members didn’t seem to fit the criteria anymore…I’ve seen/heard/witnessed the cruel reality that our society is.

A society that romanticizes the problems of mental disorders, so much so, that we self-diagnose ourselves. We live in a society where parents don’t know if their child is joking or not when they say “I want to die right now”. We live in a society that has become numb to the signs of true, real pain from students that are crying out behind the students that are jokingly whispering these words before a history test. I will admit, I say the same phrase numerous times in one week.

What a messed up society we live in, where students take real life problems that aren’t things to joke about and they make themselves up into a problematic, angst teenager. I understand, there are students that are truly in need of help, but a majority are being cast down because of adults who have heard these “guilt stories” so much that when another student actually does need help, they won’t get it because the adults don’t believe it.

We live in a society that makes it okay to bully people, to be “savage”, to “burn” people, to make them feel like they are nothing. We subtweet, we break couples up, we start rumors, we spread pictures.

WE CAUSED THIS. US, MILLENNIAL’S, WE MADE THIS. WE TURNED OUR SOCIETY INTO THIS CHAOTIC WORLD WE LIVE IN TODAY. We made the media, but in turn the media made us into an era of attention seeking, arrogant souls.

So…Why don’t we stop?

Why don’t we change this idea that we can hurt people and get away with it? People don’t have to go through life feeling nothing, dealing with themselves and their thoughts alone, no one should. No one should feel like they are a nothing, no one should feel like their only way out is to take their own life, no one deserves that. No one deserves to feel like they can’t feel anything.

If you need help, get help. Find you a person, someone you can call and that will help you through the troubles of life. Find yourself something that will help you strive towards a purpose. Someone out there loves you, so go and find them.

No one should feel like nothing, no one should feel empty.

Hearts and Rockets,

Kelly

 

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Finding Grace

You know when life decides to say, “Hey! I know it’s going good right now, but here’s that curve ball you didn’t see coming!”. Yeah, my life decided to do that to me this week.

When I began high school, a couple years ago, someone told me that my friend group would change. I didn’t believe this person AT ALL, but looking back now, I finally see what they were talking about. High school is a time of growth and a time of finding out who and what you are in the huge world we live in. It’s not necessarily a time to find your bridesmaids, though I have a friend or two that I know will probably end up standing beside me at the altar, or a time to find your soul mate. For some, maybe. But for me, it’s just not going to happen.

It was hard to realize this at first. On Monday of this week my life seemed to be a-okay, other than a few things that had been reeking chaos in my brain for a few weeks, and I continued on my merry way. This was until I made the wrong decision to get to the bottom of what had been troubling my mind, and that’s when all of hell broke loose.

Do you remember when you started making friends in Pre-K? You could just walk up to someone and then automatically be best friends, and they seemed like they would be your best friends for life, but time went on and you would separate? That’s what happened this week, but on a larger and older scale. I guess God decided that it was time to throw one of those curve balls. But let’s get some background, shall we?

A little over a year ago, I had what I like to call “The East Wind” come in. I was broken hearted, but I survived. And I just felt like I knew that God would never do something like that to me again because my lesson was learned. Flash foreword a year later and about the same thing is happening that had happened the previous year. But this time it’s different. This time it’s like I have no one to go to.

Why was I such a bad person, what had happened to make me become something that someone would want to push away? I understand that God gives you lessons to learn from but goodness gracious, He had never sent me something like this.

But I know, that in the midst of the trial there will be doors opened, doors that will lead me deeper into the grace of God.

So what’s the whole point of this blog I’m starting up? Why, all of a sudden, do I feel like it’s time to get all this stuff out of my head and typed onto a desktop? It’s simple really, I want to write down what this crazy adventure we call life leads me to. I want to document what God is doing and what His future for my life holds. So that’s why this blog is called Finding Grace, because I am taking y’all with me on the ride of a lifetime.

“She believed in His plan, even when she couldn’t see His path.”

Heart & Rockets,

Kelly