Put on Your Garment

The Word says
“For the spirit of heaviness
Put on the garment of praise”
That’s how we fight our battles

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It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by You… 


I wish I knew how to write what I know. I wish I could help ease the pain of other’s with my words. I just wish I knew what to say to the people who I hold dear to my heart.

The last two weeks for me have been busy ones. They have been filled with lunch meetings, text messages, prayers over the phone, and early mornings to my church. There has been a heavy weight on my heart, shoulders, and my spirit. I’ve mourned, I’ve grieved, I’ve had to let go. It’s been a long two weeks.

A passing is a weird thing.

My sister knew what was going through my head when she said, “It’s strange to think that one day someone is there and the next they just aren’t anymore.”

Last week, a close family that I feel is a part of mine lost their father. I lost my Bishop. This week, my mom’s childhood friend lost her eldest son. One was ninety-one and one was twenty-three. Both devastating.

When I was younger, I never understood why my mom would say that her heart-felt heavy. I was  spiritually immature and I was too young to comprehend what a heart can feel when it comes to the ones you love, or the way that the spirit/soul is affected by thoughts and feelings. It was so weird to think that, without even knowing, someone can feel someone else’s pain. I understand now.

My heart is heavy this week.

It has been through both of these events. It has as I worked the week of my Bishop’s passing and I aided the family in easing their grief. It is now as I watch a family that I hold dear to my heart mourn with my prayers being shout into the wind. “Overwhelming peace! Strength beyond measure! Jesus, wrap your arms around them and surround them with you love!”

I don’t know if the families that are suffering will read this. I don’t know if my prayers touch them and their hearts. I don’t know anything really.

But I do know that there is a God who knows all. He knows the storms we are facing, He holds us, and He does everything for a reason. We may not know, or want to know, why He let’s us go through these storms of loss and these mourning seasons…But there is a time for happiness and joy will come in the morning.

There is a song that came out recently. And at the beginning of the song the artist says:

The Word says
“For the spirit of heaviness
Put on the garment of praise”
That’s how we fight our battles

The spirit of heaviness captures us in the small and big moments. It sweeps in when we are alone in our rooms and when we are in the midst of 35,000 people at a youth convention. I’ve been there, many of us have. But what we don’t always see is that to break that heaviness there is a garment of praise that you’ve got to put on. That garment may be hard to put on. It may be old and dusty because you haven’t put it on in years. It may be new and tight, you haven’t quite gotten used to it yet and it may feel foreign. Or it may be comfortable and easy to get into because you put it on everyday and you think that because you wear it so often you can get through this storm alone. But the Word says differently.

The only way to get through this storm, to get through this loss, to get through this heaviness you feel is to wrap yourself up in that garment. You don’t have to worry about how that garment looks or when you got the garment because the only way to get through the hard stuff is to praise God for the good stuff. A declaration means a lot and God loves to hear us declare the victory, even before it happens.

This is how WE fight our battles! With praise!

If we praise God for what He is going to do through all of the storms of our life then He was truly take care of us. Believing in HIM and believing in HIS promise for our life is the greatest way to tell your storm and tell the enemy to BACK OFF because we’ve got a fighting spirit and a prayer of praise on our lips! When we have our garment on, there is nothing and no one and no situation that we can’t face because we have the power of Jesus surrounding us!

*PRAISE BREAK*

We claim victory! We claim peace! We claim anointing! We claim His overwhelming presence in our lives!

Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus!

With Love,

Kelly

*This blog post is dedicated to the Foster and Marlin families. We can’t replace them or their legacy, but we can carry it with us. Much love and so many prayers.*

Life is a Bunch of Curve Balls…

I might like baseball a little too much…

Let’s be real for a minute. Life is pretty shocking, you never know what curve balls will be thrown your way, but I’m pretty sure my life is an advocate for curve balls. Like, if there was a tutorial for how to throw a curve ball, my life would be the sponsor and/or used in the video. I’ve gone through some ups and some downs but, hey, that’s alright. Sometimes you need those ups and downs to get through life. As a favorite song of mine says, “learning through the downs, living for the ups” and that CANNOT be more true when it comes to life. Just in general. Life can be scary and crazy but that’s okay, it’s supposed to be like that. If you weren’t scared about the future or just life in the present then I’d be a little worried about your sanity. But even though life is scary, that doesn’t me we can’t enjoy it!

I’ve always loved life. I’ve never been ungrateful for God putting me on this Earth because I know that God has an insane, epic purpose for my existence. And, you know what? That makes me SO excited for the future.  Some people don’t exactly feel the same way, or see life from this perspective and what I have to say to them is that I hope they find their true happiness and love in this life. Life is hard but, in the wise words of Kelly Clarkson, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! I get it, like I said earlier, life will throw some curve balls but that’s only one strike out of three. Give those other curve balls your best bat and if you strike out, guess what…There’s another chance for you to bat later in the game!

If you know me personally, you know that I’m all for a party and I can be the life of one if I feel like it. But sometimes, that isn’t the case. We all have these moments where life just gets us down, and I’m not saying to just lock yourself away for days and days on end. Sure, take a day or maybe two off from “doing life” but look at it this way, you don’t have to stay sad. Look at the beautiful things that God placed on this Earth and just remember to breathe. You WILL get through this, there is so much more to life than what you’re feeling now.

But now for the shocking part:

You don’t have this ‘under control’. Sorry to burst your bubble but, nope, you’ve got no say in this. But I know someone who does and I’d rather Him be holding down the fort than be struggling to keep the tent from flying away during a storm. You don’t control how your life will go. You don’t control how people feel about you, what people think about you, or what they do about you. They could talk about you in the worst way and there is no way for you to know, or for you to rewind the conversation and to fix what they said into something sugar-coated and pretty. That’s not how life works, but you’ve got something on your side that is WAY bigger than your mountains. The minute you give your mountain to God is the minute you can stop stressing over climbing it, because He’s already got it conquered.

There’s a little pick me up for the day.

With Love,

Kelly

Maybe…

maybe {may•be} (noun) : a mere possibility or probability

Life is full of maybe’s. And through out my life, I know that I have probably used “maybe” as an answer to more than a dozen questions that come up day to day. But the funny thing is that the word “maybe” makes me unbelievably anxious.

When God decided He had a purpose for my life and began making me, He must have skipped out on the bottle of patience because I have none. You can ask my mom, my best friend, even my English teacher could tell you my patience is at an all time low. So whenever something comes up and people reply with “maybe”, my mind goes wheeling into impossible theories as to why they wouldn’t want to answer whatever I asked with a straight yes or no. Here’s about what my mind looks like-

“Oh, they said maybe…It could happen…Or it could not happen.”

“Well, they said maybe. I’ll have to wait and see.”

Recently, I had some kind of thing with this guy. I’m saying a thing because I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to call whatever happened with this guy. On multiple occasions I would suggest that we hang out (you know-go eat, see a movie…Just normal friend stuff) and his answer would always be a “maybe”. Of course, I wanted more out of this thing than he EVER did and I, being me, was actually trying to get him to ask me on a date. {Side Note: A guy should pursue the girl, not the other way around. If he doesn’t have the guts to ask you out, don’t bother with trying to flirt your way into a relationship. But that’s another story for another time.} That little two syllable word would give me SO much hope for what I was hoping to come out of the thing that was going on. And when we talked about what we were looking for I brought up the subject of us and if we would ever be more than friends and his answer was just the same as always…

Maybe…

I pondered over this “car talk” for days. I just kept telling myself that in a few months this guy would be taking me to prom and we’d be dating and we’d meet each others parents and we’d have a merry-go-lucky time together. I thought that this maybe was going to lead to the greatest year of my life. Well, guess what. It didn’t. That maybe led to absolutely nothing. Because some times maybes aren’t meant to be.

But hey, I know that there’s going to be another maybe out there someday that will end up being a yes. And between you and me, I’m way more excited for that maybe than I ever was for this one.

Another example of a time where I learned about my indifference with the word maybe was when I was fourteen.

I was searching endlessly for my calling from God. And this was in the dead middle of church camp season, so I was getting my Jesus on and basically repeatedly asking God to tell me what He wanted out of my life. Then, one day during this camp season, my youth pastor at the time sat down with me in the tabernacle of the camp grounds and told me that MAYBE why God wasn’t revealing the things I wanted was because I was to blinded by all the distractions in my life.

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH. HOLD UP. Distractions? Like what?

Oh…Yeah…That boy you’ve been obsessing over that is WAY too old for you but you’re going to like him anyways. Oh, and that one thing that you don’t want to tell yourself is a sin but it clearly is…THAT’S what he meant younger Kelly.

This maybe angered me and it upset me. How dare the man of Godly leadership in my life challenge my heart! How dare he notice that I wasn’t making the smartest choices, then come and tell me that what I’m doing wrong is causing my relationship with God to falter! (Can you hear the sarcasm in the older, wiser Kelly’s voice?) This realization made me bitter, and completely give up on the idea that God had a bigger purpose for my life. But thankfully, God didn’t give up on me.

So with all this being said, I believe that maybes are meant to give hope. Maybes are there to encourage. Keeping that in mind,and going back to my youth pastor story, maybes can also be something that can tear people down. Maybes can hurt people and cause stress or anxiety. I certainly get impatient when people tell me maybe and then don’t get back to me as soon as possible. Yes, patience is something I need to work on but, one lesson I’ve learned through the years is that if you pray for patience God is just going to throw you as many things as he can to help you get that answered prayer.

*Cue flashbacks of teaching a kindergarten age Sunday school class*

We also have maybes about what we want to do. Whether it be day to day or really life changing decisions.

With me, the topic has been school/the future. Am I going to major in music? Maybe. Am I going to go to a Christian based college? Maybe. Am I going to get married by 25? Maybe. Or it’s something stupid, like everyday situations. Am I going to eat Mexican for dinner? Maybe. Am I going to get in bed before ten? Maybe. Am I going to wear my hair up today? Maybe.

Every day we make maybe an answer to a question that we won’t know that answer to till later, or an answer to something we WANT to put off until we HAVE to find the answer. In the long run it will be better to give ourselves or others a definite answer.

So the lesson I’ve learned from maybes is to not rely so much on them that I:

A. Get my heart broken and smashed into a million pieces.

B. Miss out on all the wonderful things God has in store.

Or

C. Live a life full of maybes, but never find the yes or no answer.

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”

~Romans 12:12

With Love,

Kelly

Finding Grace

You know when life decides to say, “Hey! I know it’s going good right now, but here’s that curve ball you didn’t see coming!”. Yeah, my life decided to do that to me this week.

When I began high school, a couple years ago, someone told me that my friend group would change. I didn’t believe this person AT ALL, but looking back now, I finally see what they were talking about. High school is a time of growth and a time of finding out who and what you are in the huge world we live in. It’s not necessarily a time to find your bridesmaids, though I have a friend or two that I know will probably end up standing beside me at the altar, or a time to find your soul mate. For some, maybe. But for me, it’s just not going to happen.

It was hard to realize this at first. On Monday of this week my life seemed to be a-okay, other than a few things that had been reeking chaos in my brain for a few weeks, and I continued on my merry way. This was until I made the wrong decision to get to the bottom of what had been troubling my mind, and that’s when all of hell broke loose.

Do you remember when you started making friends in Pre-K? You could just walk up to someone and then automatically be best friends, and they seemed like they would be your best friends for life, but time went on and you would separate? That’s what happened this week, but on a larger and older scale. I guess God decided that it was time to throw one of those curve balls. But let’s get some background, shall we?

A little over a year ago, I had what I like to call “The East Wind” come in. I was broken hearted, but I survived. And I just felt like I knew that God would never do something like that to me again because my lesson was learned. Flash foreword a year later and about the same thing is happening that had happened the previous year. But this time it’s different. This time it’s like I have no one to go to.

Why was I such a bad person, what had happened to make me become something that someone would want to push away? I understand that God gives you lessons to learn from but goodness gracious, He had never sent me something like this.

But I know, that in the midst of the trial there will be doors opened, doors that will lead me deeper into the grace of God.

So what’s the whole point of this blog I’m starting up? Why, all of a sudden, do I feel like it’s time to get all this stuff out of my head and typed onto a desktop? It’s simple really, I want to write down what this crazy adventure we call life leads me to. I want to document what God is doing and what His future for my life holds. So that’s why this blog is called Finding Grace, because I am taking y’all with me on the ride of a lifetime.

“She believed in His plan, even when she couldn’t see His path.”

With Love,

Kelly